Don't share a house with friends! We'll explain why, the pros and cons, and what to do.

Should I really stop living in a shared house with my friends?

Living in a shared house with friends might seem fun at first glance. However, the truth is that many people regret it after actually living in one. Here, we'll explain why people say "don't do it" and share experiences from people who have actually lived in such a place.

Common reasons why people say "don't do it"

There are several reasons why people advise against sharing a house with friends. The following problems are likely to occur once you actually start living together:

1. Financial troubles are likely to occur.

Because you're friends, financial rules tend to become ambiguous.

• Late payments on rent and utilities: If one party delays payment, the burden falls on the other.
• Feelings of unfairness regarding the burden of living expenses: Dissatisfaction is likely to arise, such as, "I don't cook much, so I don't think it's fair that we split the cost of seasonings."
• Rent contract name issues: If the contract is in only one person's name, there is a high risk of disputes when moving out.

2. Differences in lifestyle and values ​​can cause stress.

Even close friends can experience stress if their lifestyles differ.

• Early to bed, early to rise vs. night owl lifestyle: When work or school schedules differ, each other's daily noises can be bothersome.
• Different levels of cleaning and tidying: It's common to find yourself in situations where "I'm meticulous, but my partner never cleans at all."
• Overlapping use times for the bathroom and toilet: This often leads to competition during the busy morning hours.

3. Privacy is difficult to ensure.

• Loss of alone time: Because someone is always around, there's no time to relax.
• It's difficult to invite friends over: It becomes stressful when "friends of friends" visit frequently.
• Noise problem: If one person is listening to music or on the phone, the other person can't concentrate.

4. Arguments tend to break out over trivial matters.

Small differences that you wouldn't normally notice in everyday life can become a major source of stress when you start living together.

• Food management: "Someone was drinking the juice I bought without my permission."
• Usage of shared spaces: "The kitchen is left dirty."
• Time management: "I want to relax on my days off, but my partner is noisy and I can't rest."

5. Once a relationship deteriorates, it is difficult to repair.

• Because they are friends, they tend to lose their inhibitions, making emotional conflicts more likely.
• Often, when a shared house is dissolved, the friendship ends at the same time.

Experiences of people who actually lived there

Case 1: Relationship collapses due to financial troubles

"I was sharing an apartment with my best friend from university, but we had a falling out over rent. At first, we split it evenly, but then she asked, 'I'm a little short on cash next month, could you cover it for me?' I thought it would only be once, so I covered it, but the following month she said, 'I'm still short on cash,' and before I knew it, I was paying three months' worth of rent. When I told her to pay me back, the atmosphere suddenly turned sour, and our relationship deteriorated, so we ended up breaking up. I swore I would never live with a friend again."

(25 years old, office worker)

Case 2: Stress caused by differences in values

"I started sharing a house with a friend, but our lifestyles didn't match, and it became very stressful. I'm a morning person and want to go to bed by 11 PM, but my friend is a night owl and leaves the TV on until 2 AM. On top of that, we have different rates for taking out the trash and cleaning; I'm neat and tidy, but she never cleans up. I asked her many times to clean, but she said, 'Aren't you overthinking it?' and it ended up in a fight. I think it would have been easier if we had just lived alone, considering how stressful it was for both of us."

(28 years old, self-employed)

Case 3: Moved out due to privacy concerns

"We were already good friends, so we started living together in a shared house without much thought. But I found that I had far less 'alone time' than I expected, and it became quite stressful. Even when I came home tired from work, my roommate was always there, constantly talking to me. If I went to my room to clear my head, I'd be asked, 'Are you in a bad mood?' I started to feel like I had to be on my guard even when I was at home, and eventually I told them that I 'really wanted some alone time,' and I moved to a different place."

(30 years old, works at an IT company)

Benefits of sharing a house with friends

Living in a shared house with friends has many advantages, not just disadvantages. In particular, it offers benefits that living alone doesn't, such as reduced financial burden and a sense of security. Here, we'll explain the main advantages of shared living in detail.

① We can help each other when something happens.

Living with friends has the significant advantage of allowing you to help each other out in times of need.

Peace of mind even when you get sick

When you live alone, if you catch a cold or feel unwell, you have no one to rely on, and shopping and preparing meals becomes very difficult. However, if you live with friends, you can support each other by having them make you porridge or buy you medicine.

We can help each other when we're busy with work or school.

When work keeps me busy and I come home late for days on end, I tend to neglect cleaning my room and taking out the trash. However, if I have friends around, they can help me out by saying, "I took out the trash today." Being able to support each other is one of the advantages of living in a shared house.

Easy to respond to emergencies

It's reassuring to know someone is home in case of sudden illness or household problems (such as losing keys or a water leak). This is especially true for women living alone, who often have security concerns, but living with friends can make life much safer.

② It can reduce the burden of rent and living expenses.

One of the biggest advantages of living in a shared house is that it can reduce your financial burden.

We can split the rent.

Sharing a 2DK or 2LDK apartment with a friend is often more cost-effective than living alone in a studio or 1K apartment, as it provides more space and lower rent. For example, rent for living alone in Tokyo can exceed 100,000 yen, but sharing with a friend could potentially cut that cost in half.

Share utility bills and internet costs

When living alone, you have to pay for all your utilities—electricity, gas, water, and internet—yourself. However, in a shared house, these costs can be split. For example, sharing Wi-Fi fees can significantly reduce your monthly fixed expenses.

We can share the cost of purchasing furniture and home appliances.

When you start living alone, you need to buy a full set of appliances, such as a refrigerator, washing machine, microwave, and vacuum cleaner. However, in a shared house, you can use these appliances together, which can help reduce initial costs.

③ Less likely to feel lonely when living alone

Living alone often leads to feelings of loneliness, as you return home from work or school to an empty room. However, in a shared house, you can always feel secure knowing that someone is around.

Having someone to talk to after returning home

When you come home tired from work or school, just having someone to greet you with "Welcome home" can make you feel so much better. If you live alone, there may be days when you don't talk to anyone, but in a shared house, you can have little chats, which helps prevent stress from building up.

Enjoy meals and games together

Living with friends makes it easier to share fun times, such as "Let's have hot pot today" or "Let's watch a movie this weekend." You can gain a sense of security like that of family, which is difficult to experience when living alone, and this can lead to greater emotional stability.

It can alleviate loneliness and anxiety.

Living alone often leads to feelings of loneliness, especially at night and on weekends. However, in a shared house, being with friends makes you feel less lonely and makes everyday life more enjoyable.

④ Communication skills improve through communal living.

Living in a shared house with friends naturally increases opportunities for communication. As a result, you can acquire skills that are useful in social life.

Develops the ability to set rules and negotiate with others.

In a shared house, it's necessary to establish rules in advance regarding things like the division of household chores and the use of shared spaces. This process helps develop the ability to compromise and reconcile differing opinions, fostering cooperativeness that is valuable in the workplace and social life.

It increases opportunities to understand the other person's values.

Living with friends provides more opportunities to understand other people's values ​​and habits. You'll learn about diverse values, such as "I'm meticulous, but they're not so particular," or "Some people are suited to a morning routine, while others are night owls," which helps you develop a more flexible way of thinking.

Interpersonal skills improve and can be applied to social life.

In a shared house, it's important to maintain a healthy distance from others. Learning to strike a balance between "communicating appropriately while respecting privacy" will help you develop skills to avoid problems in the workplace and in interpersonal relationships.

Disadvantages of sharing a house with friends

While sharing a house with friends has its fun aspects, there are also many practical drawbacks. In particular, financial disputes and differences in lifestyle habits often lead to strained relationships. Here, we'll explain some of the common problems that can arise.

① Financial troubles are likely to occur.

One of the most common problems in shared housing is money. When you're with friends, you tend to think that everything will be fine because you understand each other, but if the rules regarding money are vague, friendships can easily be strained.

Late payment of rent and utility bills

If one party delays payment, the burden falls on the other party.

It's hard to refuse when someone asks, "Things are tough this month, so please wait a bit."

- Sometimes, even if rent is paid on behalf of the borrower, it may never be repaid.

Arguments over how to share living expenses

- Regarding the sharing of food expenses, dissatisfaction arises, such as feeling it's unfair to pay for condiments bought jointly when one person doesn't cook for themselves.

I sometimes feel like I'm the one who always buys toilet paper and detergent.

- Although it started with a spirit of mutual support, dissatisfaction tends to accumulate.

Lending and borrowing money can ruin friendships.

- Start with small amounts, but gradually increase the frequency.

- If the phrase "Sorry, I'll pay you back next month" keeps coming, it can leave you feeling frustrated.

Ultimately, people often regret that their relationships were ruined because of money.

As a countermeasure, it is important to clearly define the rules regarding money from the beginning and to strictly enforce the rule of not lending or borrowing money.

② Differences in daily routines can cause stress.

Even close friends can have problems if their lifestyles differ.

The clash between early risers and night owls

- Some people go to bed early, but others stay up late playing games or watching videos.

- The other person is woken up by the alarm sound of someone who wakes up early in the morning.

- They have different ways of spending their holidays and want to be quiet on their days off.

Differences in work and school schedules

If work start times are different, daily schedules will be out of sync, leading to more misunderstandings and missed opportunities to see each other.

People who work night shifts and those who work during the day have completely opposite sleep schedules, and the sounds of the other person's daily life can be stressful for them.

- When friends are working remotely or taking online classes, the sound of their conversations or the TV can be distracting.

As a countermeasure, it's important to discuss any differences in daily routines beforehand and decide on quiet times.

③ Conflicts are likely to occur over trivial matters.

In a shared house, small differences that you wouldn't normally notice can easily become a source of stress.

Rules for cleaning and garbage disposal are not followed.

- We decided on cleaning duty, but the other person slacked off.

- They don't collect the trash, and they sort it haphazardly.

- While it might be overlooked at first, repeated occurrences will only increase frustration.

Problems with managing food in the refrigerator

- Someone drank the juice I bought without permission.

- I can't bring myself to throw away food that has expired.

- The balance of shared food consumption is not balanced, which is frustrating.

How to use the shared space

- Don't clean up after using the kitchen.

- The bathroom is occupied for an extended period of time.

- Personal belongings are left lying around in the living room.

As a preventative measure, it's important to establish rules from the outset regarding things like cleaning and garbage disposal, how to manage food ingredients, and proper etiquette for using shared spaces.

④ Once relations sour, it is difficult to repair them.

Because they are friends, when problems arise, emotions tend to run high, and the relationship often deteriorates.

With people losing their inhibitions, the conflict escalates.

Initially, even among close friends, courtesy is important, but gradually they become brazen.

- Assuming that friends will forgive each other, mutual consideration becomes lacking.

Small frustrations build up, and you start blaming them by saying things like, "You never do this."

When the mood becomes tense, it's hard to stay at home.

- After one argument, I start to feel like I don't want to go home.

- Conversation decreases, and even being in the living room becomes awkward.

As a result, we spend more time away from each other, which leads to increased stress.

Ending a shared house can end friendships as well.

By the time you regret living together, it's already difficult to repair the relationship.

・They often ignore each other and eventually break off all contact.

Even after moving out of a shared house, it's often awkward and difficult to keep in touch.

As a countermeasure, it is important to avoid becoming emotional, to clearly define each other's rules, and to maintain a calm attitude when problems arise and discuss them.

Five problems that can arise when sharing a house with friends

While sharing a house with friends can be fun, living together can easily lead to various problems. In particular, disagreements over finances, household chores, lifestyles, and privacy issues often cause relationships to deteriorate. Here, we'll explain five common problems in detail.

① Financial problems are likely to occur (sharing of rent and utility costs)

The most common problems in shared housing are related to money. If you don't decide in advance how to divide living expenses such as rent and utilities, feelings of unfairness will arise, leading to conflicts.

Rent payment troubles

- When one friend delays paying rent, the other person ends up bearing the burden.

- As the payments are repeatedly covered, frustration grows as people wonder when they will be repaid.

- If there is only one contract holder, it becomes difficult to vacate the property if a problem arises.

Share of the burden of utility costs and internet expenses

- I'm trying to save money, but the other person leaves the air conditioner on all the time.

- If one person is working remotely, there will be a significant difference in electricity usage.

- Feelings of unfairness arise depending on who pays more for internet access and daily necessities.

As a countermeasure, it's important to first establish payment rules and clearly define payments by using a household budgeting app or a shared account.

② Arguments over the division of household chores (rules regarding cleaning and taking out the trash)

In a shared house, residents use common spaces such as the kitchen, living room, and bathroom, so dissatisfaction can build up if rules regarding cleaning and garbage disposal are not followed.

Uneven distribution of cleaning responsibilities

- If one partner is meticulous and loves cleaning, and the other doesn't clean much, it can become a major source of stress.

- If you remind them to put things away after using them, they might say you're being too picky, which could lead to trouble.

Even if roles are assigned, if some people don't do their part, one person will end up bearing the burden.

Trouble with taking out the trash

If the rules regarding who is responsible for taking out the trash are unclear, the trash will be left lying around.

- When rules are not followed and waste is sorted haphazardly, it increases the stress on the person giving the warning.

Leaving food waste unattended can lead to foul odors and pest infestations.

As a countermeasure, it would be a good idea to establish a schedule for cleaning and taking out the trash, and use calendars or checklists to make it visible.

③ Differences in lifestyle rhythms can cause stress (differences between night owls and early risers)

Even among friends, differences in lifestyle can cause problems. In particular, differences in lifestyle between night owls and early risers can easily lead to stress.

The clash between early risers and night owls

Some people go to bed early, but others stay up late playing games or watching videos.

- The alarm clock of someone who wakes up early is loud and disturbs the other person's sleep.

People have different ways of spending their holidays; some prefer to spend them quietly, while others prefer to spend them in a lively atmosphere.

Differences in work and school schedules

・ Different work schedules can lead to misunderstandings and missed opportunities to see each other.

People who work night shifts and those who work during the day have completely opposite sleep schedules, and the sounds of the other person's daily life can be stressful for them.

- When friends are working remotely or taking online classes, the sound of their conversations or the TV bothers me.

As a countermeasure, it's important to take measures such as setting aside quiet times or using earplugs or noise-canceling devices.

④ Difficulty in ensuring privacy (stress tends to build up)

In shared housing, there is a problem in that privacy is not easily protected because private space is limited.

It's difficult to find time to myself.

- When you want to concentrate on work or studying, the other person's voice or other noises can be distracting.

- If shared spaces are used for extended periods, I will no longer be able to use them freely.

- When friends frequently invite acquaintances over, it reduces my own private time.

Problems with managing and sharing items

- My food and personal belongings are sometimes used without my permission.

- Sometimes clothes or accessories that have been lent out are not returned.

- Living spaces become intertwined, making it difficult to keep track of belongings.

As a countermeasure, if it is difficult to secure a private room, it is important to create as much private space as possible by installing partitions or other means.

⑤ Once a relationship breaks down, it's difficult to repair (sometimes a fight can even lead to the complete break in friendship).

Because they are friends, they tend to stop being so reserved with each other, and even trivial things can easily lead to conflict. Once a relationship sours, it is often difficult to repair.

With people losing their inhibitions, the conflict escalates.

Initially, they were considerate, but gradually they became less reserved and their attitude changed.

- Thinking "It's okay because we're friends," they stop being considerate of each other.

Small grievances can accumulate and suddenly escalate into a major argument.

When the mood becomes tense, it's hard to stay at home.

- After one argument, I start to feel like I don't want to go home.

- Conversation decreases, and even being in the living room becomes awkward.

- One of the residents may end up moving out, and the shared house itself may be dissolved.

Ending a shared house can end friendships as well.

Many people regret living together.

- Living together can sometimes lead to noticing each other's negative traits, resulting in a complete break in the relationship.

Even after moving out of a shared house, it's often awkward and difficult to keep in touch.

As a countermeasure, it's important to establish rules in advance and to calmly discuss any problems that arise. Maintain a healthy distance from each other and take steps to prevent trouble from occurring in the first place.

Are there cases where sharing a house with friends works out well?

While there is a risk of problems arising from sharing a house with friends, it doesn't always end in failure. By choosing compatible partners and establishing clear rules beforehand, it's possible to enjoy a comfortable shared living experience. Here, we'll introduce the characteristics of successful cases and tips for success.

Characteristics of compatible friends

Whether a shared house is successful or not largely depends on the personalities and values ​​of the people you live with. You can expect a smooth cohabitation if your friends are like the following:

Similar lifestyles

- It's easy for stress to build up when early risers and night owls live together, so it's ideal to have people with similar lifestyles.

If you have similar habits when it comes to cleaning and tidying up, you're less likely to argue about how to use shared spaces.

We have similar financial values.

Having the same understanding of the burden of rent and living expenses reduces the likelihood of financial problems.

- When a frugal person and a spendthrift person live together, they may clash over how to spend on utilities and food.

Maintaining a reasonable distance

- Someone who doesn't need to be with you all the time and can value their alone time.

- We can have conversations and communicate appropriately while respecting each other's privacy.

Responsible and able to follow rules

- Can reliably fulfill cleaning and trash-taking duties.

- You can be mindful of how to use shared spaces and be considerate of noise levels.

Even after an argument, we can calmly discuss it.

- Someone who can remain calm and discuss things rationally when opinions differ.

- Build a relationship where you don't have to endure too much, and can communicate your dissatisfaction to each other.

What rules should be decided in advance?

To prevent problems in a shared house, it's important to establish clear rules in advance. Agreeing on the following points can help prevent dissatisfaction and misunderstandings.

Rules for managing money

- How will rent and utilities be paid (individual payments or a joint account)?

- How to purchase daily necessities and groceries (decide what to share and what to purchase individually)

• Settlement rules in case of reimbursement

Rules for dividing household chores

- Assign people to be responsible for cleaning and taking out the trash, and implement a rotation system.

- Clearly define the rules for using and tidying up shared spaces (living room, kitchen, bathroom).

- How to handle situations where cleaning is neglected (e.g., setting reminders, imposing penalties)

Rules regarding daily routines

- How to make noise late at night or early in the morning (volume of TV, music, phone calls, etc.)

Rules for inviting friends or a romantic partner to your home (e.g., contact them in advance, no long-term stays)

• Time slots for using the bath and washing machine

Privacy rules

Do not enter someone's personal space without permission.

- Managing the refrigerator and storage space (don't use it without permission, don't steal food)

- Rules regarding the sharing of personal belongings (defining the scope of lending and borrowing)

Rules for dealing with problems when they occur

If differences of opinion arise, discuss them calmly.

- Prepare a means of resolving the issue with the involvement of a third party (such as the management company or landlord of the shared house).

- In the worst-case scenario, decide on the conditions for termination (such as rules for when one party moves out).

Rules aren't something you decide once and forget about; it's important to review them regularly and update them as needed.

Understanding the difference between room sharing and shared housing.

Room sharing and shared housing are gaining attention as ways to reduce housing costs and alleviate the loneliness of living alone. However, there are significant differences between these two living arrangements. To understand which one to choose, let's compare their characteristics, advantages, and disadvantages.

Basic differences between a share house and a room share

What is a share house?

A share house is a style of living where multiple residents share common spaces while each having their own individual contract. A key feature is that there is often a management company or manager who mediates disputes between residents.

Features of a shared house

• A private room is provided.

• There are shared spaces (kitchen, living room, bathroom).

Rent and utilities are often billed together as common area maintenance fees.

• There is a frequent turnover of residents.

What is a room share?

Room sharing is a style of living where you rent a property together with friends or acquaintances and share the rent and utility costs. There is one or more people on the lease, but everyone is equally responsible as a contract holder.

Characteristics of room sharing

・ Residents enter into a contract and decide on the rules.

- Roommates decide together how to use the shared spaces.

- You may need to find a new tenant when you move out.

• If a problem occurs, you will need to resolve it yourselves.

summary

Sharing a house with friends has the advantage of reducing the burden of rent and living expenses and alleviating feelings of loneliness. However, there are also disadvantages such as financial troubles, differences in lifestyle, and difficulty in ensuring privacy, and there is a risk that relationships will deteriorate and even friendships will be ruined.

To successfully share a house with friends, it's crucial to clearly define financial management, household chore division, and living rules, and to respect each other's values. Choosing compatible partners is also key to a comfortable shared living experience.

Understanding the difference between room sharing and shared housing is important, as it allows you to choose the type of housing that suits you best. Careful preparation and rule-making will help you avoid problems and enjoy shared housing comfortably.