Why does living alone feel lonely?
The reason why people feel lonely when living alone is because they feel lonely in the small moments of everyday life. This is especially true when you move from a home or shared house where you used to live with other people.
Having no one to talk to, no one to share meals with, or a quiet room when you get home - the loss of the "presence of others" that was once a given can make you feel increasingly lonely.
Also, seeing other people having fun on social media can deepen your own sense of isolation. While alone time is free and easy, it can also be mentally taxing as you have to deal with your emotional ups and downs on your own. It's natural to feel lonely when living alone.
The gap with home life
When you live with your parents, conversations, meals, and casual interactions with your family are part of your daily life. However, when you start living alone, you lose these everyday "ordinary" things, and many people feel a strong sense of loneliness due to this gap.
The lack of the sense of security that comes from being in the same space as someone else and the lack of verbal exchanges such as "welcome home" and "I'm home" when you return home makes the feeling of loneliness more apparent.
In addition, being placed in an environment where one cannot talk about their worries on the spot often leads to many cases where they end up carrying their anxiety and stress on their own. Without the unconscious sense of security they had at home, living alone can make them feel lonely.
The reality is that there is no one to talk to
The most obvious reality of living alone is that you have no one to talk to. Since there is no one to share your daily happenings and realizations with, the opportunities to express your emotions are greatly reduced. As a result, your thoughts tend to turn inward, making it easier for you to accumulate anxiety and stress.
In many cases, just talking to someone about unpleasant or happy things that happened at work can make you feel better, but if you are unable to do so, your sense of loneliness will deepen. Even if you communicate via LINE or SNS, you will not feel fulfilled without a face-to-face conversation. In many cases, the lack of human relationships is the biggest cause of loneliness.
When you feel the most lonely
There are certain times when you are more likely to feel lonely when living alone.
For example, when you come home at night and there are no lights on in your room, when you finish a day off without talking to anyone, during events such as birthdays and New Year's holidays, etc. When you are feeling particularly unwell or mentally unstable, your desire to have someone by your side increases and your sense of loneliness reaches its peak.
Also, when stress builds up at work or school, if you are in an environment where you cannot talk to anyone, you tend to lose your peace of mind. This "silence" and "time alone" can lead to more moments of feeling the loneliness that is unique to living alone.
Loneliness caused by social media and comparing yourself to others
One of the factors that amplify the loneliness of living alone is comparing yourself to others on social media. When you see your friends having fun on Instagram or X (formerly Twitter), you may be under the illusion that you are the only one who is lonely. When living alone and have little real-life interaction, this online information can seem bigger than reality and can lower your self-esteem.
Also, because you can only see the shiny side of things on social media, you may feel depressed and think, "I'm not doing anything," or "I'm spending my time alone." If you get into the habit of comparing yourself to others, you will tend to see your life and emotions negatively, which can lead to a vicious cycle of loneliness.
Real voices and experiences of people who feel lonely
Many people who have experienced living alone say that it was lonelier than they imagined. On social media and message boards, there are many voices from working adults and university students alike about the timing of when they felt lonely and the changes in their emotions. By spending less time with people, you have more time to face your own emotions, which can be positive, but can also lead to negative feelings.
Especially when you're swamped with work or studies, there are times when you suddenly feel like you want to talk to someone or have them sympathize with you.
Here, we will introduce the loneliness and isolation that working adults and university students actually talk about when living alone, and how to overcome it.
The loneliness felt by working adults living alone
Living alone after joining the workforce tends to make you more likely to feel lonely in exchange for freedom. Many people say they feel particularly lonely when they return home from work and return to a quiet room with no one to talk to.
In addition, sometimes people are stressed out by their busy schedules and have no one to talk to, so they end up carrying their worries on their own. If you go days without talking to anyone from the time you wake up until the time you go to bed at night, you may become mentally unstable. Furthermore, the more time you have without plans, such as on holidays or long vacations, the more likely you are to feel lonely, and people who are not used to spending time alone tend to suffer from loneliness.
Loneliness faced by college students and young adults
For college students and young people in their 20s, loneliness of living alone is a very familiar problem. When you move out of your parents' home and start living alone for the first time, you can enjoy your freedom, but you may also find yourself wanting to "eat a meal with someone" or "talk about what happened today." Especially after entering college, when you still have few friends or in an environment where classes are mainly online, you tend to feel a strong sense of loneliness.
Also, when you see your friends having fun on social media, you may compare yourself to them and feel isolated. Young people have less social experience, so they tend to have difficulty dealing with loneliness and anxiety and tend to keep their feelings bottled up.
What is the sense of emptiness that comes after getting used to it?
After you start living alone for a while, the initial novelty and anxiety will gradually fade away, and you will begin to get used to your new life. However, at this point, a sense of emptiness will set in. Many people find that their emotions become flat in their routine, and they start to wonder, "Is there any meaning to this life?"
When you finish work or school and have more free time, you have more time to face yourself, and you may suddenly feel a sense of emptiness. In your daily life, where you don't talk to anyone and have no plans, you feel not loneliness but emptiness.
At this stage, it's important to not only find coping strategies to alleviate loneliness, but also to create goals and excitement in your life.
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8 ways to overcome the loneliness of living alone
Anyone can experience loneliness when living alone, but with a little ingenuity, it is possible to increase your sense of fulfillment. In this chapter, we will introduce eight ways to reduce loneliness that are easy to incorporate into your daily life.
1. Improve your mental health through a regular lifestyle and diet
Feeling lonely can lead to a disrupted lifestyle, but in order to maintain a balanced mind and body, it is essential to lead a regular life. It is especially important to wake up at the same time every morning and eat a balanced meal. Poor nutrition and sleep can increase depression and anxiety.
In addition, making cooking your own meals a habit will create a rhythm in your life and help you enjoy meals. Taking good care of yourself, even if you live alone, is the first step to reducing feelings of loneliness and maintaining a positive attitude.
2. Create a relaxing atmosphere with room interiors and scents
When you live alone, your room is your own space, so a comfortable space leads to peace of mind. By paying attention to the interior design and using an aroma diffuser to bring in your favorite scent, you can satisfy your five senses and expect a healing effect.
Even just placing indirect lighting and potted plants can create a relaxing space and make you feel less lonely. By being conscious of creating a space that you like and that is unique to you, you can turn your time at home into something to look forward to.
3. Check in with friends and family regularly
To reduce the sense of loneliness that comes with living alone, it is important to be conscious of "connecting with people." Even if you don't have many opportunities to meet in person, keep in touch with friends and family regularly through LINE or video calls. Hearing their voices and seeing their faces gives you a sense of security and helps to ease feelings of loneliness.
Also, knowing that you have someone to talk to is a great source of emotional support. Maintaining a conscious connection is a major key to maintaining mental stability.
4. Find a hobby or lesson and become passionate about it
When you feel lonely, it is effective to have something to be passionate about. By spending time on hobbies and lessons such as reading, watching movies, cooking, sports, and learning languages, you can turn your lonely time into "meaningful time."
Taking on new challenges in particular has the effect of activating the brain and fostering a sense of accomplishment and self-affirmation. In addition, it is easy to form connections with people through school or online courses, which will add some variety to your life alone.
5. Participate in share houses and local events
If you want to reduce the sense of loneliness that comes with living alone, one way to do so is to reconsider your lifestyle.
For example, by incorporating "systems for interacting with people" into your life, such as moving to a shared house or participating in local social events, communication will naturally emerge. By meeting people with similar hobbies and values, you will feel like you belong and will be more likely to be freed from loneliness.
Incorporating social interactions into your life also has a huge impact on your mental health.
6. Grow plants
Just having "living things" in a room for single people brings warmth to the space. Growing plants is particularly effective for mental stability. Watering them every day and enjoying the changes in their growth naturally creates a rhythm in your daily life, helping to ease feelings of loneliness.
It's a good idea to start with ornamental plants or cacti that are easy to grow even for beginners. The feeling of "taking care of someone" will help fill the void of loneliness in your heart.
7. Improve your romantic life
If the cause of loneliness is a lack of connections with other people, one way to fill that void is through romance. In recent years, more and more people are using dating apps, which allow you to easily enjoy meeting people.
However, it is important not to force yourself to seek a partner, but to start with a light-hearted feeling such as "I want someone to talk to" or "I want to meet new people." Romance can bring fulfillment to your heart, which can also add excitement to your daily life.
8. Organize your emotions in a diary or blog
When you live alone, you have fewer opportunities to express your feelings, so you tend to bottle them up. At times like these, writing down your feelings in a diary or blog can help you sort out your feelings.
By writing it down, you can more easily see "why you feel lonely" and "how to make it better," and you can calmly face yourself. In particular, I recommend a private notebook or diary where you can write freely without worrying about other people's eyes, rather than social media.
Bad behaviors that lead to a vicious cycle of loneliness
In an attempt to alleviate the loneliness of living alone, people may unknowingly turn to counterproductive behavior that puts a strain on their mind and body.
In this chapter, we will introduce four bad habits you should avoid and explain the precautions you should take to live a healthy life.
Excessive checking of social media
Social media is a useful tool for connecting with people, but if you're feeling lonely living alone, checking it excessively can be counterproductive. Seeing the fun posts of friends and acquaintances can lead to comparing yourself to them, and in many cases, making you feel like you're the only one who's lonely.
Also, coming across negative posts can make you feel depressed. Because SNS only shows part of the information, it is characterized by the fact that the viewer's imagination makes it seem more fulfilling than reality. The more you try to fill the void of loneliness, the greater the risk of feeling even more lonely, so it is effective to take measures such as limiting the time you spend using the service.
Binge eating and drinking/shopping addiction
Many people resort to overeating or wasteful shopping to temporarily relieve their loneliness. When you consume too much sweets or junk food, the satisfaction is temporary, and you are hit with guilt and negative health effects later.
Similarly, repeated impulse buying to relieve stress can leave you with financial and emotional regret, trapping you in a loop of loneliness.
The important thing is not to try to fill your emotions with material things, but to focus on essential activities that will fill your heart.
Unreasonable schedules and shallow relationships
If you try to fill the void of loneliness by forcing yourself to do more than you can, or by continuing to attend drinking parties and events that you don't want to attend, you may end up accumulating fatigue and stress. If you have more superficial relationships, you may not be able to say what you really want to say, and your sense of loneliness may actually get worse.
The important thing is to decide who you spend time with and how you spend time. Making plans is not a bad thing, but acting without regard for your own feelings can wear you down. It's important to value relationships where you can spend time naturally without forcing yourself.
Relying on alcohol or gambling
Alcohol and gambling may seem to help you forget loneliness and stress in the short term, but they are not a fundamental solution. Drinking too much can disrupt your daily rhythm and affect your health, and gambling addiction can lead to financial troubles.
These things do not alleviate loneliness, but rather create a negative spiral that pushes you further. Rather than a temporary solution, taking healthy and positive steps to organize your mind will lead to long-term satisfaction.
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How to live alone without feeling lonely
Although it is difficult to completely eliminate loneliness when living alone, it is possible to create an environment that is less likely to make you feel lonely. By making some small changes to how you choose your home and neighborhood, and how you spend your days, you can stabilize your emotions and alleviate feelings of loneliness.
Here are some concrete ideas for ways to live your life to reduce loneliness.
Using shared houses and room sharing
One effective way to live alone without feeling lonely is to live in a shared house or share a room.
The appeal of this type of accommodation is that you can maintain the privacy of your own room while still being able to interact with others in shared spaces such as the living room and kitchen. Just having an environment where you can talk to someone brings a sense of security and vitality to your daily life, and naturally alleviates feelings of loneliness.
In particular, for people who feel anxious about living alone or want someone to talk to, a home that provides a place for communication can be a great source of emotional support. Recently, there has been an increase in various types of share houses, such as women-only or international exchange-type houses, so you can choose an environment that suits you.
Choose a property near a station or in a lively area
When living alone, living near a station or in a busy area is also an effective way to avoid feeling lonely. When you go out into the city, there are many places such as cafes, supermarkets, and shopping streets where you can have casual conversations and feel the presence of other people, which leads to a sense of mental security.
Living in a quiet residential area or an area with few people can easily make you feel isolated. Choosing an environment that naturally increases your opportunities to go outside, taking into consideration safety on the streets at night and ease of going outside, will help you maintain your mental health.
Living environment ideas that utilize sound and light to your advantage
When you live alone, your room is your own space, so it's important to use sound and lighting to soothe your mind. A space that is too quiet can intensify feelings of loneliness, so if you play TV, radio, or soothing music in the background, the sounds of daily life will be there and you will feel more at ease.
In addition, by using indirect lighting and warm-colored lights, you can create a warm and relaxing atmosphere in the space. We also recommend using scented candles and aromatherapy. By creating a comfortable space that you think is good for you, it will become a place that you want to return to and feel at ease in, and you will feel less lonely.
Summary: Living alone is a chance to deal with loneliness
Living alone is a natural emotion that many people feel. The gap between living at home or with someone else, the absence of someone to talk to, and the feeling of being alone can make you feel anxious or empty.
However, this is also a necessary time and an important opportunity to have time to "face yourself." By adjusting your daily rhythm, expanding your hobbies and expanding your circle of friends, it is possible to transform loneliness into positive energy.
In addition, by being creative with your living environment and connections with others, you can live a life in which you feel less lonely. Time alone is a chance to develop your independence and enrich your life. Learn to deal with the loneliness of living alone and enjoy a life that is true to yourself.
